No Regrets

A couple of sayings, "If I knew then what I know now," and, "If only I had known," are bantered about. When asked, "What is something you wish someone had shared with you 10, 5, even one year ago," I paused.

Listen to your instinct; use your imagination.

"If only I had known?" I probably know many things that I dismiss, talk myself out of "knowing." I do this when I don't want to accept reality, e.g. Mom won't be with us forever. I'm hedging my bet that she will answer the phone, "Good morning!" today, tomorrow, and the next day. Hedging is my mental cushion. I imagine life without her, and I don't like it.

Years ago as a newlywed, my spouse ventured out on what I thought would be a quick trip. He was running some errands that should have taken no more than a couple of hours. This was before the cell phone era.

Two hours pass. Three hours. Tic-toc. Now I'm getting concerned. Worried. Alarmed. Horrible images flash before my eyes. I imagine the worst. I imagine what I would do without him.

Hours later, he bounces through the door bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

"Where have you been??"

"I stopped by Tony's on the way home, we went duck hunting."

"Really?" I reply a bit surprised that he didn't think to call. "I was worried. I thought something happened to you. And, I started thinking what I would do without you." Pause. "Give me too much time to think about it, and I might come up with something really good," I laughed.

The next time he called.

The truth is, I find it hard to imagine life without him. We've come close a time or two due to medical drama. Life was surreal after these episodes. For days after, we were abnormally courteous and kind to each other. And then there was the moment when it wore off. The moment of exasperation, even irritation, that is inevitable, e.g. he insisted on following the Onstar directions when I clearly knew we were going west when we should be going east on Interstate 10.

"Have it your way!" I silently waited for it to play out--almost silently. I knew we were wasting time going in the wrong direction. I had an itinerary of many other places to go and things to do.

Finally, the voice from OnStar announced, "You have arrived at your destination." We were right back where we started when OnStar downloaded the directions to our vehicle.

The good part: back to life, back to reality.

What do I wish someone had told me 10, 5, even one year ago?

What advice do I leave others?

Acknowledge the inevitable: every day might be your last or a loved one's last. Relax--keep it real. Laugh, cry, get annoyed, dig in, move on. This is life.

No regrets.